I Go Out Bloggin......After Midnight

This post will start out with a classic pic of Duke's wonderboy JJ Reddick caught in an unfortunate situation. Word on the street is that he later ate the prize for which he was digging. It has not been confirmed, however. The title to this post is a play on the title from a classic Patsy Cline song which was later remade into an underrated but classic version by Trisha Yearwood's boy toy, Garth Brooks. As I type this I am sitting cold and alone at 1 in the morning trying to catch my breath. My wife, daughter, and my adopted negro son have fallen asleep and my third shift butt isn't sleepy at all. I have been sitting on the deck by our new fire pit smoking a cigar and trying to keep a fire lit in the pit. The smoke from the pit and the cigar have thrown me into a near asthma attack. Keep me in your prayers. As I sat on the deck exchanging text messages with soccer legend Grant Sharp it hit me that the blog readers of the world might be interested in what went down last weekend at Bremen Elementary Gym. So I have decided to tell you, not only because I know you're curious, but because I think my left lung was about to collapse.

Last Sunday we started what we hope will be a weekly roundball classic at Bremen Gym. We had many legends on hand for what was sure to be a memorable basketball game. The teams got chosen and I was sad to learn that I would be playing against my future brother-in-law Mr. Sharp. What made this even worse is that I was assigned to guard "Stretch". So, like a midget at a urinal, I knew I would have to be on my toes. The one thing I had going for me was that I had Bunch on my team and Kendall on the other team. Bunch always gets the best of "The Git". Late in the game, once we were all begging for oxygen, Bunch and Kendall had a classic battle with both raining threes from all over the court. Some of Kendall's were shot from Vinson Auto Sales, all the way in Sac town. What I originally thought would be a battle of Tom Vinson patented turnarounds and Brian Bullock shot fakes, had turned into a three point battle between Bunch and Kendall. Although I think Bunch made more shots, the Louisville Cards team of Kendall, Grant, Joe Vincent, Parker Scarbro, and Bob Gas took the victory. Personally, I think the refs screwed us. Revenge will be sought this Sunday on pay-per-view. Call your local cable or satellite provider. That's all for now.

Another Top 10 In Case You're Bored On A Friday

This weeks top 10 will start out with a couple of random photos of my child. In the top photo Maddie is just being silly, and in the bottom photo she is sending a shout out to Ramel Bradley, Jay-Z, and Diamond Dallas Page. I wasn't even aware that she knew those guys. Anyways, coming off a week which had Grant Sharp being named North soccer coach, Billy Gillispie signing zero middle schoolers, and Scott Bunch being on time for lunch all 7 days, I knew I had to create something exciting and interesting. So I have decided to come up with the top 10 dumbest questions I can think of. I actually did a little research for this topic. There are many questions that are probably on your mind that will not make this list. For instance, not on today's list is the question that everyone has been asking: Was Brad Divine drunk when he hired "Stretch" to coach the soccer team? I still don't know that answer for sure, but I hope Brad can lay off the bottle for a few days if the basketball job ever comes open. For God's sake, a drunk Divine might actually hire John Lovell. Now on to the list of the top 10 dumbest questions.

10. When it snows, do the home schooled kids get the day off?

9. If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

8. Do crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?

7. Do blokes in Australia call the rest of the world "the land up over"?

6. How do you know that honesty is actually the best policy unless you try some of the others?

5. If you tore the wings off of a fly, would you call it a walk?

4. Since blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

3. Do you ever wonder if any of those actors on America's Most Wanted have ever been mistakenly arrested?

2. If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath and not get wet?

1. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

Ok, that's it for this weeks top 10. Add some more stupid questions in the comment section if you would like. Adios amigos!!!!!!

Madeline Graduates And Finishes The Soccer Season

Maddie had a big week last week as she finished up her pre-school career as well as her soccer season. She loved doing both so now we will have to figure out something to take up her time until she starts "big school" in a few months. The graduation was fun and Maddie had lots of support on hand for the ceremony. She said her part like a big girl during the program and got her picture made about a thousand times when it was over. We were looking at them yesterday and her favorite one was the one above of her and all her papaws. She also loved the video above. They took all the soccer players backstage and introduced them to the crowd team by team and they got to run out to standing ovations. The kids then all got to sit up front and be entertained by a magician. A few lucky kids even got to help out. Maddie tried hard jumping and raising her hands every time he asked for another helper but she never got picked. She had a big time anyway. I'm really proud of her for what she accomplished in the classroom and on the field this year. Oh yeah, one more thing. Maddie led the team prayer for the third week in a row. I think she's pretty tough.

Meet Your New MNHS Soccer Coach

The man pictured above, while somewhat scary and thuggish looking, has now been put in charge of teaching the game of soccer to those willing to learn at Muhlenberg North High School. Yes folks Grant Sharp, known to his friends as "Stretch", will now be known around the school system as "Coach Sharp". I don't have a clue how the North athletic department could come to such a decision. I guess all the other applicants were on the sex offenders list or something. Actually I know that Coach Sharp loves the kids and loves the game, so he will do well with this. However, look at those pictures and tell me that this clown doesn't belong in a straight jacket, or in prison, or both. Good luck Coach!!!!!!

A New Top 10 List

Since my last top 10 list of rarities was the recipient of rave reviews, I have decided to make it a weekly thing. However, before we get to this weeks top 10 I would like to begin a campaign to encourage all bloggers across the USA to include a gay picture of any Duke players, coaches, or even students in your blog posts. Your post doesn't have to be at all about Duke. I just think that it would bring a smile to any normal human to see it. So hit up those search engines and find some good ones. It only took me a few seconds to find this gem. If you can't find one that just screams homosexual, just type the word Duke somewhere on your blog, or put up any picture of Christian Laettner. They all work.

Now on to this weeks top 10. I have decided to come up with my top 10 favorite nicknames. Of course, in keeping with tradition, these will come at random from off the top of my head. My top 10 lists will rarely include research so I may leave out some good ones. Feel free to leave comments to correct me when I fall short of expectations. I will include the person's real name, nickname and a brief description of how they got the name.

10. Dr. Dustin Harper, aka "Muddyfoot". Dustin got this name one night when we were playing cards at Neville Ellison's house and he tracked mud onto Neville's carpet. Somehow it stuck.

9. Adam Dunn, Reds Outfielder, aka "The Big Donkey". I'm not even sure how he got this name. I guess he just looks like a big donkey, or maybe he's well endowed. I can only speculate, but I do love the name.

8. Nace Creager, aka "Dirty Nace". He got this name because his name sounds kinda like Nate, and there was once a ball player from Drakesboro known as Dirty Nate Gadsen. He also hails from the Dirty South, but I don't think that has anything to do with the name, just an ironic fact.

7. Joel Huff, aka "Ho". No he's not a gardening tool, and I'm pretty sure you can't purchase an hour of his time on a local street corner. However, he has been known as "Ho" since our freshman year when our spanish teacher told us to pronounce j's like h's. Our good friend Eric Sweeney (at least I think that's who it was) immediately shouted Hoel, and it became Ho and stuck from that day forward. Great name, and probably should be higher on the list.

6. Mike Vinson, my father, aka "Shorty". My uncle Barry has referred to my Dad as "Shorty" for as long as I can remember. I don't know why. He's every bit as tall as Barry, if not taller. Barry also refers to my Dad's head as a "birds ass in the moonlight". Another one I don't get. I don't even know what that is supposed to look like and I've often wondered why my uncle would go out at night and look at bird's asses. I actually don't think he does. I think (and hope) he just made this one up. I guess it would have to be an ostrich. My Dad's head is too big to look like a robin's ass.

5. Barry Vinson, my uncle, aka "Chief". One night in Daytona Beach years ago we were at a Hawaiian show and they took Barry up on stage and named him "Chief Barry". I've called him "Chief" since then.

4. Ric Flair, aka "The Nature Boy". I love me some Ric Flair, but I never understood his nickname. I guess that's part of the reason I love it. Does he like nature? I just don't get it, but its an all time great.

3. Grant Sharp, aka "Stretch". This is one I just learned within the last month, but I've got a feeling it's gonna last. Don't know the true origin of this nickname, or maybe I just don't wanna tell it.

2. Kendall Smith, aka "Gelt". One of the more classic nicknames if you had grown up in my crew of friends. Long story on how it was founded, but the name stuck because Kendall can grow a goatee in about 4 hours, and when he created his now famous language goat became gelt.

1. Jeremy and Tom Vinson, aka "The Goatmen". Number one on my list has to come from the alltime king of nicknames, my papaw Thomas Eldred Vinson. If he were alive today to give the explanation for this one, he would simply say "hard head and stinkin rear". Apparently the hardness of your head and stench of your rear are what can define you as a goat man. He had a nickname for everybody, and I know Tom and I were honored to be "Goatmen".

Favorite All Time Blog Post # 10: Classic Git

The photo above is of me and Kendall Smith. Kendall is an Ohio County legend, also known as Classic Git, Gelt Pendley, Sky, and to those lucky enough to have been in attendance for that special game, Diarrhea. He was one of my best friends until he moved to Tennessee and became a Volunteer. Actually he still is one of my best friends but the only time I have seen him in several years was last fall in the back of Rupp Arena. However, hopefully we will have a chance to hang out very soon. In a little less than 2 weeks "The Git" will be invading Muhlenberg County for the first time in a long while. Hopefully all of our old crew can get together so that everyone can get that tingly feeling that you can only get in the presence of "The Git". For those of you who don't know Kendall, let me give you a brief explanation of his greatness. He is a Rockport, Kentucky native who now lives in UT Vol land. He is single. He has 2 boys, Joakim Noah and The Fresh Prince. Actually their names are Noah and Will Smith. He is a die hard Kentucky Wildcats fan. He is also a die hard Reds fan. He is best known for shooting it from the garage at the KBA. He is also known for his spin move into the KBA tree. He has developed his own language and taught it to many of his lucky friends. He has a Roger Clemens like ability to woo the ladies, despite having defacated into his basketball uniform in high school. He once puked in the Wildcat Lodge parking lot upon seeing Mark Pope. Mark and his parents were perplexed, but enjoyed a good laugh with all of us after realizing he was alright. Mark even signed a Double Cola bottle for Kendall's longtime nemesis, Bunch. Mark also dedicated the 1996 season to our friend Bunch after we told him Bunch was at home on his death bed. The Cats went on to win the title that year. I like to think that if Kendall hadn't puked and gotten the Pope's attention that Mark wouldn't have gotten that fake story about Bunch and the Cats would have had nothing to play for, resulting in no NCAA championship. Cat fans, there is no need to thank us. We do what we can for the team, even if it means telling a little fib. Have a nice day!

Classic Git

Rare Things

Last night baseball fans were treated to a feat that had only happened 13 times before in the games long history when the Cleveland Indians Asdrubal Cabrera turned an unassisted triple play. A rarity to say the least. Even more rare is the number of unassisted triple plays turned by guys named Asdrubal. I think its even rare for guys named Asdrubal to even exist, much less turn into Major League baseball players and turn unassisted triple plays. An incredible feat indeed. This great rarity by everybody's favorite Asdrubal got me to thinking about other rare things so I decided to come up with 10 rarities that I could think of this morning off the top of my head.

1. Rarely does the price of gas ever go down.

2. Rarely does Grant Sharp have rational thoughts at Joe Bologna's.

3. Rarely does Billy Gillispie recruit high school seniors.

4. Rarely, if ever, is Scott Bunch late for lunch.

5. Rarely does Stone Cold Steve Austin mention the top line.

6. Rarely does Kendall Smith shave his gelt.

7. Rarely does Paris Hilton not get on your nerves.

8. Rarely does Rodrick Rhodes hang out in the front of Rupp Arena.

9. Rarely does Roger Clemens appear to tell the truth.

10. And last but not least. Rarely will you see a monkeys ass headline a blog post.

Feel free to leave whatever rarities you can think of in the comments section.

Soccer Mania

Continuing a tradition set forth by her father, Maddie Vinson has fallen in love with the game of soccer. I was able to keep my love for the game a secret for many years, but now the truth has come out. I love soccer. It is hard to know that you are the best soccer player around and still keep folks from finding out. It is a burden that I have had to live with for many, many years. The saddest thing about this whole story is that due to aging, weight gain, and other factors, I will never be able to showcase my skills for the world to see. It's a shame I didn't come out of the soccer closet a little sooner.

Now on to the real soccer star, Madeline. Maddie is playing in the Upward soccer league on Saturdays. She really loves it. She almost got her first goal last week. She had a clean shot but barely missed. Upward is a soccer league sponsored by Second Baptist Church, and the kids learn Bible verses and have prayer before and after the games. The coaches usually lead the prayers before the games with both teams joining hands on the field. Then after the games, the individual teams will have their own prayer. Maddie's coach always asks if any of the kids want to lead the prayer and they never do, until last week. Maddie said she would if the coach would help her out with what to say. So the coach whispered something in her ear and then Maddie said a short but sweet prayer while all the little kids bowed their heads. I was very proud of her, even more than if she would have made 10 goals during the game.

Me and My Girls

Just wanted to post some pics of my wife and daughter for those friends of the blog who are out of town and don't get to see how lucky I am. I have been very blessed. About a year and a half ago I would sit in church and tell myself, "you have got to quit looking over there and making eyes at Jill McRoy's sister, she's a teenager". Then one day I ran into her mom at Wal-Mart (imagine that) and she started telling me all about Jordan moving back home with them and how she worked nights at a hospital (nurse), and anything else that would make her compatible with me. At the time I also worked nights in a hospital (still do) and had moved back in with my mom. So I left Wal-Mart and it hit me on the way home. If this girl was recently divorced and is a RN, she must not be a teenager. Then it also hit me that her mom was pretty much putting her on the market and targeting me as the buyer. So I did what any in my situation would do. I got nervous and did nothing. I still stared across the church each Sunday. I told my mom I was interested in her. But I did nothing. I hadn't tried to get a date in years. I didn't even remember how. So I called Michael Miller. He is married to Jordan's cousin, Nikki. I asked these Millers if Jordan was seeing anyone and they hooked us up in about one day. We clicked instantly and she has been by my side ever since.

My other girl is Maddie. She is 5 years old now and I am so proud of her. She is getting ready to graduate from First Baptist preschool later this month. She is so far ahead of where I was when I started school. All of those kids are. I highly recommend FBC preschool to anyone in the area. She enjoys spending time with her cousins Dawson and Abe, and any of her other friends. She has a different boyfriend every other day. She didn't get that from my side of the family. One day it's Kamden Bunch, the next its Gavin Huff, the next it's Zach Hardin. Any of you North grads should recognize those last names and understand my worries. Anyways, she is a very good kid who has been through way too much the past couple of years. She has had to deal with her mother and I divorcing and the death of her Mimi (Cennie). She was very close to her Mimi but she has done very good. Now I'm in a battle to win back my childcare duties. Maddie and Jordan have became big buds and now she wants Jordan to wash her hair, she wants Jordan to pick out her clothes, she wants Jordan to read her a book. What's dad supposed to do? Sit back and smile I hope, because that's what I do every time I'm with my two girls.

The Graduate

My sister Brittany (Aunt B) has graduated from UK. We went to the graduation this weekend and had a good time. We went Saturday night and stayed overnight for the Sunday commencement. The kids had fun swimming in the indoor pool and the big kids were able to enjoy a night on the town at Joe Bologna's, where Grant and I were able to run into some old friends from high school. They weren't thugs, but they also aren't guys you would want to turn your back on. Thanks to Grammy and Papaw for watching the kids. Congratulations Brit, your life just got harder.

It's Here!!!!!!

Warn the local law enforcement. Call your momma. Call your grandmomma. Alert the neighbors and anyone else you can think of. The day that everyone has waited for has finally arrived. Critically acclaimed blog reader and legendary gas passer, Jeremy Vinson, now has his own blog. This blog will feature various family updates, many UK basketball related stories, funny news headlines, and lots of immature, childlike humor. Please hold applause until the end of each post. Thanks.